Thinking of You

I wanted to try something different. Tell me what you guys think.


Lilly sat down at the computer stall wiggled the mouse so the screen would wake up from energy-save mode. The pale white screen started to come in clearly until she realized that it was yahoo mail. It was still logged in. She looked around the library trying to get a glimpse of the person whom this email may belong. But they were gone and instead of a name listed as owner of the e-mail account there was only a screen name JKLBstar48. The seat of the chair was still warm from its occupant but he or she was long gone. There was no one in the computer bank but her. She saw a vast list of names and dates. Subjects: Call me, The dog needs to go to the vet. Hello. Of course was the accustomed list of spam but one email thread caught her. Subject: Fuck it, I’ll just kill him and be done with it.

Maybe it was the abruptness of that idea that drew her into reading someone’s private mail. Maybe she was worried about the person threatened to be killed. Maybe it was just a burning curiosity. Regardless her motives, she clicked the link. As she reached for the mouse she half wondered if there was a law against it, like tampering with post mail was illegal how is this any different. But as the screen opened up and she started reading, she knew she couldn’t stop. It wasn’t limited to one e-mail. There was a dialog going back at least three months. She would have to click on the tiny 2 at the bottom of the page to see more. She would have to make that decision when she came to it. Without heisting further she dove into the letter.

08/21/06 Fuck it, I’ll just kill him and be done with it.


I’m kidding of course but it sure does make you think.

Anyway, I had sex last night. It hurt like fuck. I kept trying to get into it but my pussy was so dry that his cock dragged against the walls like a hot dog across sand paper Not that dispassionate animal like rutting ever gets me off. It still hurts now especially if I pee…he can’t even do that right.

Its rainy outside and so dark it’s almost night. No matter what I do I cant get horny unless I think about you slapping my face. Is that weird or what? I don’t even like to be slapped. My mother used to slap me when I said fuck. One time I got so pissed when she slapped me that I said it eight times in a row. My ears were ringing when she was done with me and I had a big purple splotch on my cheek. Now I say fuck to her whenever I can. She can’t do anything anymore so I’m like fuck this and fuck that. I can hear her cringe over the phone. It’s not like I have trucker mouth in real life, you know that. I use fuck with moderation. Its much more powerful that way. People know you mean it if you don’t use it too often. When you slapped my face it was something powerful that I can’t explain. Maybe you should do it again.


08/30/06 RE:Fuck it, I’ll just kill him and be done with it.


Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK. That was for your mother. Tell her I said fuck. Not, tell her I said hi, have a nice cinco de mayo. Instead I said, fuck. I kind of like that it’s much more original and expressive than most greetings. Eso Cabron, you drop the bastard if he cant fuck you right. I would fuck you right. You know it. Remember how that slap felt? I’ll make your whole body feel like that.


Lilly got chills. The air conditioner vent above her blasted a cold gust of air. Her nipples were hard under her tee shirt. Maybe it wasn’t all the air conditioner’s fault. She couldn’t believe she was actually reading this. Not that she could stop though. She had started this and it wasn’t over. Boy this woman was unhappy and fucked up. Who was this J character. Did they have an affair? Are they going to? The bell on the door to the library rang and she looked around startled. She noticed the African American woman security guard leafing through the pages of a glossy magazine at a table by the door. The woman looked up too. It was a young mother leading her small blond son to the children’s section. He had the blondest mop of hair on his head and little red book bag slung over one shoulder. The security guard greeted the woman and child with a smile. Lilly laughed at herself. There was no way anyone could discern that she was doing something wrong. To the outsider she appeared to be engrossed in her own e-mail. She sighed turned back to the screen. Safe. She said under breath.


o9/05/06 RE:RE:Fuck it, I’ll just kill him and be done with it.


You can’t talk to me like that anymore if he finds out he’ll drop me and that will be the end of everything. Reminiscing is one thing, planning a rendezvous is another!


09/ 10/06 RE:RE:RE:Fuck it, I’ll just kill him and be done with it.


Hijo de puta madre! Does he read your fucking e-mail now?! What you do is your own business. You’re not going to fuck me, so what’s the harm in fantasying. You used to be different before this lug. I will never understand what you see in him.


09/ 12/06 RE:RE:RE:RE:Fuck it, I’ll just kill him and be done with it.


I’m changing the subject. You’ll just make me horny and then all I’ll have is sandpaper cock. A kid was shot outside my house today. He isn’t dead or anything but there is blood on the sidewalk. I had no idea there would be so much of it. Its this big red round puddle all cornered off with yellow police line tape. It looks an eye from my second floor apartment window. I like to watch the paleteros swerve their carts to avoid hitting it. And they always cross themselves when they past, old, young it doesn’t make a difference. I wonder when they will come and clean it.


09/13/06 RE:RE:RE:RE:Fuck it, I’ll just kill him and be done with it.


You can’t change the subject forever. It will come up again.


09/14/06 RE:RE:RE:RE:Fuck it, I’ll just kill him and be done with it.


You suck


09/14/06 RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Fuck it, I’ll just kill him and be done with it.


No mija, its you who suck. I still remember, even if you refuse to.



9/15/06 RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Fuck it, I’ll just kill him and be done with it.


I said stop it. I can’t take it. Fuck off


The dates were off. It was a long time between this post and the next. Months in fact. Lilly scanned down looking to find out what happened next. How did J take it when G told him to fuck off? There wasn’t a response. G wrote again but months later. What had happened during this intervening time?

12/06/06 RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Fuck it, I’ll just kill him and be done with it.


I’m sorry I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. Are you mad at me. I haven’t heard from you in weeks. The baby kicked me. This is fucking real. I felt a little pang inside me and then a sharp pain. It seemed like this was happening to someone else until it kicked. I can’t believe he want to control me so much that he planted this thing inside me. Me a mother now that’s a joke! Please write me…I can’t stand waiting for you.


She had reached the edge of the page and the dreaded number 2. Should she click it? Continue in this insane obsession? Just the there was a crackle on the announcement system of the library. The ancient intercom clacked and clicked for several seconds before an elderly woman’s voice (which sounded like it was inside a tin can) came over the intercom. “ The Library closes in fifteen minutes. Please take your selections to circulation. Thank you.” It seemed that fate had decide for her. She would never know the outcome of J and G. She hovered the pointer of the mouse over the tiny x in the corner of the screen. Just end it quickly she thought to herself. Get it over with. Her finger was poised to click—but she just couldn’t do it. She took another look around. No one was paying any attention to her. The little blond boy had started a raving tantrum which had something to do with the cardboard picture book he was hugging to his chest. The Security guard had risen from her seat, her finger already across her lips in the universal “Quiet it’s a library” gesture. She would have to act now. She scooted over to the adjacent computer and typed in with no hesitation. Under the sign in space there was a link in tiny underlined print. “Forgot your password?” It inquired.  “Click here.” In the box that appeared she typed G’s username: JKLBstar48. Please answer this security question: What do I use in moderation? Lilly typed the answer with a grin. That was a piece of cake. The screen darkened and a little moving hourglass appeared. The tantrum subsided in the children’s section. Hurry. Lilly said under her breath. Finally the message; “Thank you, your new pass word is 23ht1. Please visit your account and update it.” She grabbed a pen and scribbled the numbers and letters on the inside of her left palm. Now she could leave. She clicked the tiny x, gathered her belongings and walked out swinging her left hand closed in a fist.

Explore posts in the same categories: May 6th-12th, Weekly Entries

2 Comments on “Thinking of You”

  1. timm84 Says:

    Not enough literature out there about today’s methods of communication and letters. I like seeing people use these things in stories. I guess the obligatory question is what happened next? Also, maybe I missed it- but how does she know what they use in moderation?

  2. rosequill Says:

    I like the changes you made to it. Before, just like this one, you understood who the emailers were by their voices, which are very distinct by the way (nice! Still love the fuck fuck fuck that was for your mother comment) but now you also see the heightening curiosity of the woman. It also lets you see around the page. And I have to agree with Tim. There aren’t enough stories out there now incorporating modern forms of communication. Just to think about… in these email accounts there are always the information or profile sections. Do what you will with that statement. What’s next? I want to see more!

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